just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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