is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
