I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
