Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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