Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
