Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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