I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
