Just took my morning after pill in the library
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
