I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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