you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
