3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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