I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
