he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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