Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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