Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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