I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
