we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
