In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
