Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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