We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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