I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i already hear my dad disowning me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
