I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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