Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
