My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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