Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
