I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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