No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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