Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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