You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
