I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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