Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ladies don't puke and tell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
