Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
