Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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