so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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