I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
