Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
