Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
