Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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