thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
