How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
