My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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