We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
