So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
