Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
