I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
