look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
