No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
