Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
