if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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