Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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