i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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