You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
