you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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