While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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