I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
