Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I look better un-naked...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
