I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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