i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
