Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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