it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
