Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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