i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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