I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
