idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
