my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
