She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
