Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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