I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
