um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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