they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
