He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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