she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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