He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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