hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
