I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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