dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
