Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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