Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
